If we were to look in dictionaries we can see there are several definitions of the word 'success', - yet it is one of those words which is incredibly difficult to actually define.
Success quite simply cannot be defined as it means different things to different people.
Traditionally one is seen to be successful if one has achieved a certain ‘status’; be it financial or fame based, however we all know that many rich and famous people have turned out to be very unhappy – some have even taken their own lives.
Could this mean, therefore, that such things as happiness, contentment, and satisfaction play a part in the definition of success?
After all, how can someone be living a successful life if they are unhappy inside?
Success, quite simply, is defined by each of us as an individual.
Broadly speaking I would say that to most people a successful life would contain one or more of the following concepts and words;
For me it means all of the above and for most people I think it will be a combination of them.
In order to feel fulfilled it is important that we are achieving some sort of goals - whether they be personal or professional or a combination of both.
Quite simply if we are not growing we are dying and to grow as a person we need to attain certain 'achievements' or 'goals' along the way. These can be very small things - in fact, sometimes it's the smallest successes which bring the most pleasure and feelings of satisfaction. It could be a child learning how to write his first word for instance... can you remember how proud you felt when you achieved this feat?
At certain stages of our lives, most people find themselves 'taking stock' as it were, and asking themselves deep questions such as, "what do I REALLY want out of my life", or "What is the purpose of my life?". Certainly, as a coach, this is a question I hear quite frequently, and it has become quite apparent that a sense of purpose is vital for us as human beings.
What happens if we are not feeling happy or successful with our lives? What can we do to turn things around? Can we help ourselves?.. The good news is that yes we can.
Here are just 3 things we can do to set us on the path of change, although there are very many more also.
These are just a few of the very many things you can do to increase your happiness and set you on the road to feeling successful. If you would like more strategies please feel free to reach out to me.
For more information about coaching please read on:
Because success can and does mean so many different things to different people, a Success Coach or a High Performance Coach sees everyone as the individual which they are, and offers the tools and strategies to enable profound changes to be made when a client participates fully and openly.
Success Coaches do not need direct expertise in any particular area in which a client may work or play. They can work equally with Fortune 50 CEO’s, Olympic athletes, a painter and decorator or a mum of 6.
They do not offer advice to their clients, but rather hold the client as creative, resourceful and whole.
You already hold the answers within you – which the coach uncovers and enables by use of skillful questions, challenges, and support. A great coaching program will also provide the client with proven tools, structure and strategies which in themselves can be life changing when used diligently and consistently.
If you would like a FREE 60 minute session with me, a Success Coach, then please apply here.
Yes, it is necessary to complete a questionnaire for me before we can schedule a session; this is necessary as my time is valuable as is yours.
There would be no point in us scheduling a conversation if I do not feel I can add value to you during the free session and beyond, should we choose to continue.
I look forward to hearing from you should you choose to apply, nd if not I hope I can continue to add value for you with my blog updates.
I'm sure you have - I know I certainly have.
Our whole lives are made up of a series of choices; we make them each minute, each hour, day, week, month and so on, and our lives are shaped by these choices.
It's so easy to look back and wonder what might have happened if we had done things differently; maybe our lives would have been better, and maybe they wouldn't?
The thing is that no matter what choices we have made in the past they cannot be undone, and it is only in the NOW that our future can be shaped, and that is decided by the choices that we make NOW in the present moment.
Sometimes people need help; if someone is in a really bad situation - maybe they need therapy or counselling for some trauma, then they can make a decision now to get the help needed.
If the situation is not as serious as that but you know you have a decision to make that will improve your life then it is your choice to make that decision.
Maybe you are struggling with your health and you know you need to get fitter or eat more healthily; maybe a relationship is desperately in need of improving - or even leaving, maybe you desperately want to change your job, career, or improve your business?
Sometimes we don't make an empowering decision because of a lack of courage; sometimes it is a lack of clarity - we don't know exactly what it is that we want, or sometimes it is a matter of productivity levels, - we are just not doing what we know we need to do or we lack direction.
Most people do not make empowering decisions because they become paralysed by FEAR, and they allow this to stop them from following their dreams, desires, and goals.
Many people die never having chased their dreams. They don't realise that they are powerful creators, and that we are here to live the best life we possibly can, and not to hide ourselves away in a bubble of fear.
What is the worst thing that could happen if we follow our dream?
What is the BEST thing that can happen?
How will you feel if in 10 years time or 20 years you are still in the same situation simply because you lacked the clarity, the courage or the direction to take action; to make a decision which could change the shape of your future?
I urge you, my friends - don't let fear stop you!
Spaces are limited so apply here for your session now.
If I were to ask you what are some of the beliefs that you hold about yourself, I wonder how many you could come up with? Even more to the point, how many of these beliefs which you hold about yourself do you actually KNOW to be true?
Apart from beliefs which have been indoctrinated within us since childhood due to our family’s religion or culture or whatever, - most beliefs we hold as adults are simply thoughts which we tell ourselves over and over again - until they become so deeply rooted within us that we believe them to be true.
But just because we tell ourselves something over and over each day are those thoughts and ultimately beliefs always true? And are they kind and loving ones?
What kind of things do we say to ourselves out of the 50 – 70,000 thoughts we all have each day? Are they empowering thoughts? – Well, interestingly, it seems not. Apparently on average a whopping 70% of these 50 – 70,000 thoughts we have each day are actually negative ones.
That’s a pretty scary thought, isn't it?.
There’s been much discussion about which comes first, our feeling and emotions or our thoughts, but what IS true is that they are both very strongly connected, so it stands to reason therefore that the things we think about and tell ourselves on a daily basis are actually pretty powerful things.
Have a think for just a moment about some of your beliefs you hold about yourself? You know you are ‘good’ at some things for instance, but you probably believe that you are not ‘good’ at others. You may believe that you are unattractive because you are overweight or have a blemish on your skin.
Yet these things are simply not true.
None of us has a perfect figure or body, yet we know that what one person loves or finds attractive about someone, another person doesn’t.
If you think you’re ‘not good’ at something again it’s often (not always I know), but often its something that we either haven’t even tried or something that we ‘could’ become good at if we really wanted to. We may have been told by someone else that we are not good at something and so we ‘learn’ this belief about ourselves – yet it may not be true.
So, If a belief is simply a thought we tell ourselves over and over again until we believe it to be true, it stands to reason therefore that with practice over time we can also ‘unlearn’ these negative beliefs and begin to change them if we know they are not serving us.
Well, there are simple techniques we can use, many of which only take up a few minutes of our busy day, yet by applying them they have the power to change our lives.
Because the negative thoughts and beliefs we hold about ourselves can often lead to worry, anxiety, and self-condemnation, these can have an impact on our whole lives; our relationships, careers, and most importantly our own self-esteem.
So, there are some quick, proven techniques for learning how to change the paradigm and live a more empowered life with empowering beliefs which I’d love to show you. Doing these simple things can ultimately bring more joy and self-love into your life, and they have the power to change your relationships, your career and your whole life for the better.
I’ve suffered from low self-esteem and anxiety for much of my life. Most people who know me may be surprised to hear that. Very often it’s the ones who appear outwardly confident who are the silent sufferers.
Even if you think you don’t really need this I guarantee if you put any of these techniques into practice in your daily life you will see positive changes.
Go here to find out proven techniques which can and will empower your life should you choose to implement them. If you wish to you’ll be able to download a free pdf also, which you can print off to keep at home with these things on.
You can pick and choose which things resonate with you the most and which will fit into your lifestyle the best.
I’ll also whisk an email over to you in case you don't have time to go over there and read it straight away. If you don’t see the email please check your spam or promotions folders in case it’s gone in there by mistake, or you reach out to me at [email protected] or on social media.
So, don’t forget, -
You can listen to this episode and download its mp3 from my podcast for free : HERE
Most people say they want to 'be happy' above all else, so let's look at the different ways in which this can be achieved.
In his course 'The Happiness Project', Robert Holden talks about the 3 types of happiness.
The first type he describes is pleasure, which is a sensory feeling of happiness.
Examples of this are many.
What do we find pleasurable? This will of course differ for everyone but generally certain types of food or drink are 'pleasurable', certain smells or sights, experiences, music. The list is endless.
We all like pleasure!
The only downside to pleasure is that it is dependant upon a stimulus and a response; there is a limited timescale, - when the stimulus is gone the pleasure soon dissipates.
There is an opposite to pleasure also which is pain.
The second type of happiness Robert describes is satisfaction, which is circumstantial.
This type of happiness is based on desire, and getting what you want.
There is always a 'because' or an 'if' or a 'when' attached to it.
For example, I'll be happy 'when' I get my new house, job, lover etc.
I'm happy 'because' my favourite team beat their opponents yesterday, or 'because' I just passed my exams.
I'll be happy 'if' I get an A grade, or 'if' I land that job.
This second type of happiness is fragile.
Research shows that circumstantial happiness is short term, and has only a negligible effect on our overall long term happiness.
There is an opposite to this type of happiness also, which is dissatisfaction.
The third type of happiness is joy, also described as 'an unreasonable happiness.'
It's 'unreasonable' because there is no apparent reason for it that we can see or touch.
Joy is something which comes from within us.
We 'tune into' it - it is always there for the taking, yet we have to choose it.
Have you ever suddenly felt really joyful for no apparent reason?
The feeling just 'wells up inside of you' and you're not sure where it came from?
This is the type of happiness that comes from joy, and there is no opposite to this.
Watch a young child playing. Young children and babies experience joy naturally - it's in their very being. They don't need a reason to feel joyful - they just ARE.
They are happy to be alive - there's no hidden agenda. They find wonder in the smallest thing.
Later they LEARN to want things more and more, and for their apparent happiness to depend on pleasurable experiences and circumstances.
We teach them that by role modelling it and it's not our fault
- it's how we were taught also.
We can choose joy once again at any given moment.
It is always there inside of us but we have to tap in or tune in to it.
We've forgotten how because we got caught up in the endless cycle of searching for our happiness outside of ourselves and we can never find it there.
"The very nature of joy makes nonsense of our common distinction between having and wanting". C. S. Lewis
This is not to say we give up having goals and dreams.
We don't need to give up pleasurable moments and feelings of satisfaction.
On the contrary - we can and should enjoy every pleasurable experience and live our lives to the full.
As long as we don't make our overall happiness in life dependant upon these transient moments and we realise that true happiness is the 'unreasonable' happiness of joy that can be found within ourselves 'at any given time', then our search for happiness will finally be over.
Sounds easy but of course it takes practice and we shall forget over and over that this is really possible. Especially as most of us have had many years of 'programming' to think that happiness depends on external things. The freedom that it brings, however, when we can do this is priceless.
A goal can be anything from deciding to lose weight, get fitter, improve a relationship, get a better job - or A job, start a business, buy a house.
Any number of things.
The reasons why ppl don't achieve their goals is that they go about it in the wrong way.
What do I mean by that?
Well, there are 5 steps which must be followed in order to give any goal the best possible chance of being achieved.
How much weight do you want to lose?
how much salary do you wish to earn?
how much deposit do you need to save for that house?
Become crystal clear about what it is you want to achieve, write it down and absolutely know and believe that you can and will do what it takes to achieve it.
For example; Don't say I'll lose 20 pounds in a week or I'll save 30 grand in a year if your salary is only 35k a year.
It must be realistic and achievable.
Challenge yourself by all means - but don't be too ott.
Most goals large and small can be broken down into 5 steps.
For example: Lose 7 pounds in 2 weeks or 3 weeks your 5 steps might be to:
Ask yourself - whose help will I need to achieve this goal?
For example - If you're Saving money for a house you may need to stop buying birthday presents or eating out.
Most ppl will be incredibly supportive if you just take the time to explain why this means so much to you.
What are the benefits for you and how will your life change in a more positive way?
In the losing weight example these things could be:
To have more energy,
to feel better about yourself,
to fit into different clothes
or to buy new ones etc etc
Pin this list up everywhere you will see it during the day,
on your desktop computer, bathroom mirror etc
Read this list aloud several times per day whilst you
visualise yourself having achieved this goal as you are reading.
Follow these 5 steps and start achieving your goals in life.
Far too many people let fear control their lives and we need to understand the reasons behind this.
I'm not talking about real fear like when your life is in danger or that of a loved one - the FEAR I'm talking about here is the perceived fear so many people have when they want to do something to improve their lives which may take them out of their comfort zone.
One of the main reasons for the fear most people feel is that they fear "loss pain".
For instance if someone wants to lose weight they may fear the pain of not being able to eat their favourite foods any more and they tend to focus on the loss rather than focusing on the positive outcomes that losing weight will bring.
They may also fear that they will not have sufficient willpower to lose the weight or that they may regain it again even if they do manage to lose it.
If they were to focus more on the positives and the things they would gain by losing the weight; such as being able to get into the type of clothes they want to wear and feeling healthier and having more energy, then they would be far more likely to achieve their goal.
The same goes for giving up smoking or drinking. The social aspect may play a part also as they fear they will miss their smoking breaks, or socialising at the pub. They don't focus on the health benefits such as no longer waking up with a cough or a hangover.
Ultimately the social benefits could vastly improve if they take up new hobbies and gain new interests, friends & acquaintances along the way.
Letting fear control your life also applies sometimes when people think about starting a business. They may fear the 'loss pain' of giving up their jobs and income, or they may think people will laugh at them or that they may fail.
Again the important thing is to focus on the positive outcomes.
Start your business part time so you don't have to give up your job until you can afford to. Yes it's going to take hard work but think about your goals that you want to achieve.
Do you want things for yourself? Financial freedom? To be able to do things with and for your family? To donate to your favourite charity and do good in the world? Y
Yes of course it is possible that some people may laugh at you along the way - but most people who really care about you won't!
Are you going to let that 1% of people who you probably don't really want as friends deny you your dreams??
Yes you may have failures along the way - You know what? - MOST people do!! Some of the most successful people in history EVER failed many times before achieving their goals.
If your goals are BIG enough and they mean enough to you they're worth the effort and self sacrifice.
Ultimately letting fear control your life is a waste of a life.
Most of the time the fear is without grounds and as they say; most people on their death beds only regret the things they did not do and not the things that they did.
Don't be that person!
Live life to the full!!
I hope this post has been useful and helpful to you.
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